I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
