I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
