I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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