Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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