did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
