All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
