Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
