you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
