can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
