it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
