you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
