Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
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Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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