I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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