My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
