Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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