no, he came in my armpit
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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