Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
