He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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