If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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