I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
