You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
