Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
