Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
