Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
