he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
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So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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