I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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