my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
