they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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