I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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