We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
