Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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