Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
