okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
