im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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