how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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