I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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