FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
