i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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