You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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