cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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