Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
