we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
