And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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