lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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