Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
