I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
