i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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