I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
