What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
