She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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