Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
