She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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