After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
