my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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