All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
