u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I am available for nakedness
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
