if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
