yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
