Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
