somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
