I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
