I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im holly from the hills drunk
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
