It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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