You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think my fart just growled at me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
