remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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