That's intense
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
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Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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