i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
