I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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