Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you made out with another girl for some wings
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
